Initially they were called loyalty cards. But businesses soon realised we’re not loyal. We’re cheap. And that worked in their favour too.

The rewards are slowly diminishing on all my colourful cards. I’m having to buy more to receive what I did ten years ago.

And Tesco now snatch back points when you return an item! Where the hell do they put them? In their points bank? Do they somehow get interest on them? For Heaven’s sake.

I think they’ve employed clever psychologists to establish that collecting points is a human instinct. The hunter-gatherer storing up supplies for future bouts of famine. (‘This place used to be crawling with hamsters, Wife. Time to hunt the gerbil. Grab your stuff.’) But I surprise myself at how far I’ll go to earn the stupid things. It’s like getting excited about milk bottle tops or something.

So I now have to calculate whether I get more rewards when filling up the car at Tesco or Shell.

Well, I don’t really fill up any more. I’ve gone back to my lone parent days and now put in a tenner. Who knows how long the car will last?

I also wonder whether I’d be happy getting paid in points. And if so, how many?

I do have a grand plan with my points. They all go towards my Air Miles. (Sorry, Avios. A cross between the Spanish for plane and goodbye – ‘avión’ and ‘adiós’. Silly.) Interestingly, the new Avios site has a pile of pebbles on its ‘spending Avios’ page.

That’s just plain cruel. That’s humiliating…. They’re telling us, the customer, with our hard-earned pebbles – I mean Avios – that we’re like mentally deranged fools hoarding colourful pebbles in some virtual account.

I have thousands already. I’m waiting until I have enough to take us all to St. Kitts for a year… But would I actually go? I’d be unable to collect points there.

In fact will I ever bring myself to spend any? Spending points is almost more unbearable than spending real money. It takes so much more money to earn the point. What are they worth on average? 0.0001 each when I spend £10? I don’t even know.

It would upset me further to know to what lengths I go to earn these pitiful ‘rewards’ so I’m not going to look into it. All that effort for the scraps the stores choose to throw me. I’m to be pitied.

Partly because I know they take so long to acquire. In 1993 a man from New Zealand I was working with in a pub (yes, really) gave me my first 450. Since then I’ve spent about 600.

But I admit to being a points trollop: go where I’m beckoned because they’re offering me points.

And like anything , I can’t take them with me. So, better get spending… Ooh, it hurts… The same way some people need financial advice on how to save, I need to learn how to spend. (Ouch!) Even intangible stupidly-named points.

Readers who submit articles must agree to our terms of use. The content is the sole responsibility of the contributor and is unmoderated. But we will react if anything that breaks the rules comes to our attention. If you wish to complain about this article, contact us here

Readers who submit articles must agree to our terms of use. The content is the sole responsibility of the contributor and is unmoderated. But we will react if anything that breaks the rules comes to our attention. If you wish to complain about this article, contact us here