What’s it made of?

Caveman 1: ‘Woman! Make me another set of clothes. All-in-one. Bearskin. We’re coming in for another freeze.’ Cavewoman: ‘Errmmm, do you mean the skin of a real animal?’ Evolution would have halted. If primitive man hadn’t have known the difference between flint and any old rock. If he’d have picked poisonous leaves and berries. But he was cleverer than we are.

Now, no one seems to know anything. (I don’t know why I assume Cavemen’s roles were based on the pre-1960s British model.) But anyway. To continue.

I’ve complained before about items sold as leather or suede or wool when they’re not. I stroked a pair of mittens the other day – hand-knitted ones so I thought they might be wool. I asked whether they were wool and the reply was, ‘What? Real wool?’ What other kind of wool is there?

When it comes to plastics, I don’t the difference between PVC and PET – I don’t need to. But is it really difficult to know what’s synthetic and what’s leather? Or wool and synthetic? Especially if you’re selling the goods.

There are many people who don’t know what cream is, what ‘fresh’ means and I chuckle through gritted teeth when I see Tesco selling ‘turkey ham’.

Do people get equally confused about a block of cheddar and Dairylea? I think there’s so much ‘faux’ stuff around, we can’t tell. Or maybe we’re not supposed to tell. Buy it anyway.

No!

In winter, I want wool. Nothing else will do. Though I’ve discovered a good fleece is quite efficient but you can’t wear one to a smart function over a pretty dress.

t’s such a bore to have to find someone in a shop (or online) who knows what things are made of. Could someone please include it in the curriculum. Have a GSCE in : ‘Materials. And Where They Come From.’ So back to Caveman… Caveman: ‘Woman! Dinner!’ Cavewoman: ‘Fresh Bean Hotpot’ Caveman: ‘I didn’t pick beans.”

Cavewoman: ‘Tinned beans. Fresh…’

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