REMEMBER, remember tonight is the fifth of November – my least favourite evening in the entire calendar.

I would prefer to have my toenails pulled out one by one without the benefit of anaesthetic as opposed to having to attend a bonfire night.

To my mind, celebrating this occasion is in the worst possible taste.

First, you have explosive fireworks involved.I don’t care how safe they make them – I wouldn’t go near one for fear of being blown up or having my eardrums ruined.

That makes me a bit of a scared ninny in many people’s eyes, and we know the kids love the blast of the explosion.

However, should we really be encouraging them to celebrate the end of a sectarian plot to blow up the King of England?

Or more to the point, should we be encouraging them to rejoice over the execution of Guy Fawkes who was tortured and hanged?

It may have been 400 years ago now, but is that any excuse to allow your kids to burn an effigy of a human being?

There are so many remarkable pieces of English history that we can celebrate. But no, I don’t propose to imitate Henry VIII and have a festival where I can chop off Mrs Mann’s head.

Fireworks night might seem like harmless fun, but to my mind it’s not a decent symbol of English civilisation and we should devote our energies to something more wholesome.