SO, yet again, I’ve been told I can’t afford to live in my own home county any more. Apparently, the average house in the Chiltern district costs a whisker below £424,000 and £295,550 in Wycombe, according to a new report from the National Housing Federation.

There was a time, not so long ago, when a decent home didn’t cost a king’s ransom.

Nowadays it seems the only way for most of us to secure a roof over our heads is to sell a few internal organs on the black market, and perhaps your soul if you can find anyone willing to take it.

These statistics get trotted out every year of course, but the figures quoted are still enough to send me lurching to the drinks cabinet. Or they would be, if I could afford to keep it stocked up with anything other than tap water.

Apparently the total annual income needed to secure a mortgage in Bucks is £82,727. I find this astounding.

If that is correct, it means you have to be either filthy rich or homeless in this county There’s no in between, unless Aunt Agatha pops her clogs and leaves you an inheritance.

Of course, the irony is that whenever house prices do fall, we go into a state of abject panic. Better by far, it seems, to have reports like this send us into a depressed daze wondering if somewhere along the line the world might have gone a bit insane.

In any case, it looks like I’ll be stuck in my crumbling pit with the paint peeling off the walls and the dry rot creeping through the floor for a little bit longer.