What women want? Well I know what this woman wants.

I could be noble and say an end to all wars, a cure for cancer and a way to feed the world. But while these would be phenomenal, being totally selfish what I really want right now is a pair of comfortable wedge heel sandals which don't thrust my toes into the ground at a painful 90 degree angle, a pair of black linen trousers which don't look like they have been run over after ten minutes of wear, a white T-shirt that stays white after washing and which doesn't cling in all the wrong places, a ready-made low-calorie lunch that doesn't taste like a low-calorie lunch and a hairstyle which style looks half decent a week after having it cut.

I'd also like a fake tan which doesn't require me sitting like something that visited the taxidermist for several hours as it "develops", a waterproof mascara that doesn't clog, and a handbag which doesn't get full of rubbish and suck my car keys to the bottom.

And as this is my wish list and nobody has told me I can't enter the realms of the ridiculous, I'd also like a car which fills itself with petrol, children who can find the laundry basket, a husband who enjoys ironing, birds in my garden who don't poop all over my clean car, windows which self-clean and chocolate which tastes like Cadburys but has fewer calories than an apple.

Add to that a swimsuit which makes me look 10lb lighter, a photograph of myself that I truly like, Desperate Housewives on TV throughout the year, oh and an annual pay rise in line with my levels of inflation.

It's not too much to ask, is it?