Lifestyle coach Carol Dell gives tips on how to get what you want in life.

Controlling our destiny is the highest form of personal achievement.

Help it with carefully thought out, realistic goals with steps along the way to outcomes we desire, can visualise and put dates on.

A huge task becomes manageable when broken into small jobs starting with the most appealing!

Build in some failure, so that we don't get put off the first time we hit a brick wall. If things go wrong, we can try and find out why, to see if we need to change course.

Flexibility is a fantastic tool a client had a lack of work, and used the time to source several venues to work from on different days of the week and various childcare options. Work came in fast two months later she was prepared and was able to make herself available to clients through the week.

We talk ourselves out of success by thinking too much about failures what we focus on grows; it can be a habit if we are not careful to tell ourselves we can't do things.

A way round this is to think of a time we tackled something hard and succeeded beyond expectations. We come out of difficult experiences (e.g. illness, divorce, bereavement), stronger and more resourceful the knowledge that we coped can carry us forward to tackle a new scary' experience.

Get brave' do you remember doing something well and not realising till people told you? I love dancing, and at eight years old, I used to perform solos on stage, not thinking any more of it I thought everyone did it. Eighteen months ago on holiday in America I did my dance and several Americans asked "How d'ya do that?" I felt terrific I was just enjoying myself.

When doing a business presentation workshop I use the glow' of dancing and knowing I can do it well to help me get over nerves at the beginning. I pretend to myself as I'm driving there that I'm just going to do a dance (I even think about taking a CD) I tell myself I just have to talk for five minutes then I can dance. After five minutes I'm helping clients, understand and enjoy the exercises they are learning on my NLP courses, and I've forgotten all about nerves!

In my job, I make cold calls; if I call them warm' calls, I find half the people are interested, the calls are so much easier to make, and so I sound more positive.

When we believe ourselves lucky we keep trying. Richard Branson says; "I've been so lucky" but we know how hard he's worked. Rock stars say it took them several years to become an overnight success.

The key is to find things you know you would regret not doing imagine yourself a lot older what would life would be like with and without it happening?

When something matters to you be it a visit to Australia, to find your soulmate, or to spend precious time with your family do make measured decisions, set goals and keep working toward your dreams.

I've just had to change course on mine Carol.dell@tiscali.co.uk

Carol Dell