BORIS Johnson has opened an interesting door for politicians with news of his coming appearance on EastEnders. Given that our MPs are likely to see a dip in their income following the clampdown on expenses, treading the boards might provide an ideal opportunity to top up the coffers.

Of course many of you probably think that pantomime might be the full extent of their theatrical capabilities, but let’s be a little more generous here.

Having said that, however, Sir Peter Viggers is the obvious candidate for Mother Goose after he famously claimed £1,645 for a duck island at his home in the country.

With the Tories having staked a claim to Albert Square I have it on reasonable authority that Labour is moving into Coronation Street. Indeed I have a fragment of an upcoming script.

Gordon Brown: Ah here we are Mandy, this looks an ideal place for you to buy me a pint Lord Mandelson: Please don’t call me Mandy, Gordy boy, especially not round here They enter the Rovers Return Steve McDonald: Hello gents, what can I get you?

GB: I’ll have a pint of your best and my friend will have a pink gin SM: That’ll be £8.95p ta GB: That’s extortionate SM: That’s the Government and its taxes for you mate, bunch of crooks LM: Do you know who we are?

SM: Looks them up and down: At a guess I’d say you’re the publicity guys from the circus coming to Weatherfield next week. Got any free tickets?

GB: Pay the man Mandy – oh and I’ll have the receipt for you know what.

It’ll be interesting to see how the spiffing ways of Old Etonian Boris fit into life at the Queen Vic. Meanwhile I hear several MPs caught up in the allowances scandal are looking for parts in a Shakespeare production of Much Ado About Nothing.

THE latest commemorative £5 coin to emerge from the Royal Mint is a bit of a puzzle. It has been introduced to mark the 500th anniversary of Henry VIII’s accession to the throne.

For a kick off his reign was unusual and ‘interesting’. However with the rotund figure of the monarch standing legs planted firmly apart on one side of the coin, I’m not sure what our current occupant of the throne feels about having just her head on the other side.

I would have thought the head of Anne Boleyn might have been more fitting or maybe Kathryn Howard who, of course, both lost theirs after earning Henry’s displeasure.

I HAD a visit from the police last week. It’s an unnerving experience because you always feel you’ve done something wrong even when you haven’t.

It’s a sort of a spill over from the schooldays of being summoned to the head’s office only to find he wants you to run an errand and not cane you.

Anyway this was in response to a chat I had with two officers – who were visiting our community – about some anti-social behaviour. They made a note of the information and a couple of days later an officer turned up on our doorstep to explain the matter had been dealt with and those involved shouldn’t be causing any more problems.

But if they do, he added, give me a call and he left his card. Excellent work.

So I really struggle with Cllr Mark Tett’s outburst last week tearing a strip off the Chief Constable and his force for not responding to calls from the public.

Given that we humans have yet to attain perfection in anything, such a scatter shot blast from the councillor was less than helpful.

Easy for headlines, but short on real substance.

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