My partner, a very positive woman, always says “there is a work around to any problem”. I have had my doubts but recent events have made me believe that she may be right.

I married in 1985 into a ready made family. My wife had a little boy Adam who was 18 months old when I first met him. On my wedding day, Adam, who was three and a half by then, mirrored my wedding outfit by wearing an almost identical suit and tie. The wedding went off fine and my wife and I went on honeymoon with Adam’s biological dad looking after him for a week.

I watched Adam grow up before my eyes. He was a lovely lad and rarely caused me any trouble. We enjoyed a special relationship and I encouraged him in sport as he was a very talented footballer and athlete. This relationship continued beyond my divorce to his mum and we often meet up for a competitive game of golf.

A few weeks ago, Adam told me some news that caused me to doubt our relationship was really that special after all.

After twenty four years of using my surname he was going to revert to using his biological father’s name. In fact, he was going to change it by deed poll and as I write this he has done so. He told me over the phone why he is doing this. The main reason being that he wants his children to have his original birth name. I did understand his reasoning and said to him I accept his decision. However, the next day I was not so happy with the idea.

I felt that the last twenty four years of being his dad had been a waste. After all, I am unlikely to have children of my own so how will my name carry on and how will I fit into his life now that the one thing that bound us had been cut?

For once, I discussed this at length with my partner, my sister and close colleagues. I then decided to ‘park’ the problem and carry on as normal until I could look at it with a more logical approach.

I am glad I did this. For I spoke to Adam tonight and he said something that really made me ashamed of even thinking that my time with him had been a waste.

For when I told him how I was feeling he told me that nobody had ever asked HIM how he felt about things. He had not chosen his name and he was the one who felt awkward being introduced as my son (we look very different!). He did not divorce his mum. He cares for and loves his mum, dad and me and does not want to upset anyone.

I understand where he is coming from. All I could do when thinking about his name change was how it affected me. But frankly, a name is all it is.

He is getting married next year to a wonderful girl. He truly is a very nice young man and I am proud to go to his wedding as his step-dad. To be honest, I was never comfortable with being called dad. It was nice but he had his own dad whom he saw every month. I prefer honesty and I feel that we both understand and are comfortable with our new identities when dealing with each other.

I will now apply my partner’s ethos to other areas of my life. If ever you have a problem that seems insoluble to you, discuss it with your close friends and family, ‘park it’ until you have had chance to think calmly about it and then deal with it.

If you have any problems that you feel I could give you advice on – leave me a message and I will try and help you as much as I can.