By the time we’ve forked out a couple of hundred quid on a chook house, layers pellets and other hen accoutrements, I’m pretty sure we’re not in it for cheap free-range eggs.


Having recently introduced two Light Sussex hens to our garden, I estimate that I might start seeing a return on my investment in around 2025. 


No, I think we keep hens for the pleasure of having a tiny taste of living a rural, care-free existence. 

My hens are a complete waste of time. I can lose hours watching them forage and scratch around the garden, dust bathing under the fir trees and, much to my revulsion, plucking fat arachnids from their webs.      

 

The best time of day is definitely egg time. Six months in, there’s still something magical about opening the hen house to find two perfectly-formed, still warm, freshly laid eggs.

If you’re thinking about getting some feathered friends to liven up your garden, here’s what you can expect:

• Fresh, free-range eggs - Hens are programmed to start laying eggs from about 18 -22 weeks old and depending on the season –  they tend to lay more in the summer months – will produce on average six eggs a week.


If you‘re looking for a good layer the most productive breeds are the Leghorn, Minorca, Rhode Island Reds and Plymouth Rock. Most of these varieties can be found in smaller Bantam versions, which is the ideal ‘mini me’ solution if you don’t have a big outside space.

Though pretty, old English breeds such as the Orpington have traded egg laying ability for looks and you could wait a long time for them to deliver eggs – yes chickens really can be too posh to push.

• Some noise – A quick lesson in chicken ‘hokey cokey’ – you don’t need a cockerel unless you want a brood of baby chicks. For a supply of fresh eggs, you only need female hens.
However, although you won’t get a morning cock-a-doodle-do, hens can still kick up a fair old racket when they want to.


Our hens ‘Boc Boc Bkawk’ before and after laying an egg - and sometimes - depending on the size of the egg – when they are actually laying.

They also perform a loud, repeated Fog Horn Leghorn ‘Bkawk’ when they spot a predator, such as a curious cat or a Red Kite patrolling above.       

So as not to ruffle any feathers, it’s a good idea to inform your immediate neighbours about your new arrivals. Not only will this help smooth community relations but you can ask them to lock them up for you if you are away for a few days.

If it’s looking shaky bribe them with the promise of fresh eggs.

• Poop, and plenty of it – Chicken poop makes great compost (don’t put it on flowers directly as it will 'scorch' them) and boy do hens like to poop.


As well as cleaning out their house once a week, if you let your hens roam freely; they will poop pretty much anywhere, patios and paths included.

They will also graze on any flowers or vegetables you’ve planted, so keep them in a secure run if you don’t want them to decimate your hard work.

• Backyard entertainment - Like the goldfish of the garden, chickens are fairly low maintenance – a place to sleep, a place to strut, some fresh water and a scoop of food everyday makes a happy hen. For this you will be rewarded with your very own petting zoo.


As well as fun to watch, hens are easy to tame (ours regularly wander into the kitchen looking for food) and are even game for the odd cuddle.


• Watch out for turkey twizzlers - a healthy hen is constantly on the go, bright-eyed with a plump red comb.

While a new sporty model is great, for extra chook karma points you could re-home an ex battery hen. They may look a bit tatty at first but soon recover and will present you with lots of fresh eggs. 

Visit The British Hen Welfare Trust - www.bhwt.org.uk - for further details on re-homing battery hens.

Do you keep hens? What do you think about keeping hens in the back garden?