Today is one of the worst days of the year. It's Halloween.

Later in the evening ghosts will come out and mingle with the living while young children go door to door demanding sweets with menaces.

Halloween is the evening when law abiding citizens will be sitting silently in their living rooms with the lights out cowering in fear of a knock on the front door.

Teaching children that it's OK to play a 'trick' if that are not given a 'treat' is dreadful. Is it any wonder there is so much crime and misdemeanour about these days?

Of all the festivals we have through the year Halloween is the only one aimed specifically at children which adults can not participate in.

What sort of parent allows their children to go calling at the houses of people they don't really know after dark?

These days it's just not safe to do such a thing indeed would you be happy knowing your child was knocking on the door of  a criminal, wife beater or even a paedophile?

Generally the rule is that if the children are old enough to go 'trick or treating' on their own they they are too old to go 'trick or treating' in the first place. Sadly many parents let their children out unsupervised.

We never use to suffer in this way years ago indeed back then Halloween wasn't really celebrated.

Modern Halloween celebrations are yet another nasty American import like the hamburger (which doesn't contain any ham), the hot dog (which doesn't contain any dog) and soap operas (which I don't find entertaining).

I think it's time to ban 'trick or treating' and turn Halloween into the festival that it used to be years ago.

Just like all the other seasonal celebrations Halloween has become commercialised with shops selling outfits for children to dress up in, scary masks for them to wear and the like.

Of course this year the 31st October falls on a Thursday so the unscrupulous children may still be going out round the streets on Friday and Saturday evenings.

So how can the innocent householder protect themselves from this onslaught? Well here are some of my tips to help you stay safe this Halloween.

  • Leave security flood lights to deter all but the most determined of children.
  • Place a notice on your front door saying 'Strictly NO trick or treating' so anyone brave enough to get to the door will be in doubt as to your attitude towards their begging.
  • Under any circumstances never open your front door. It's far better to open a window on the upper floor. Not only will it be a surprise to the children but being so high up you are all but out of reach thus eliminating the possibility of physical injury to your good self.
  • Keep one of those newfangled electric cameras or even a video cameras handy to record the faces of any children who cause damage to your property.
  • Seal your letterbox so it's impossible for any callers to put fireworks, excrement or other nasties though.
  • Remember to treat the callers with respect to start with as you may not know where they live but they know where you do.
  • If you need to converse with any callers try to obscure your face so you are not recognised that way you can't be identified should the callers make accusations against you. Indeed on the night of Halloween it's highly likely any callers will be wearing masks themselves.
  • It's your house so if you don't want any callers there tell them to leave in a firm but polite manner.

Of course you could hire a professional to come to you home to be on standby on Halloween evening to deal with the trick or treaters.

After my blog on the topic last year my good self has been hired to perform such a service for an elderly neighbour who lives nearby. Don't worry though because from my vantage position I can still keep watch over my own home.

Look out 'trick or treaters' you may be unfortunate enough to call at the house watched over by my good self in which case you will be dealt with swiftly, politely and firmly with absolutely no hope of a treat for your efforts. All I can say is 'game on....'.

What do you think?

*Don't forget to read my regular column in this Friday's edition of the printed version of the Bucks Free Press!

*This special blog replaces my usual Thursday evening blog. My next blog will be published late on Friday evening.